Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
First of all, let me say to those of you that just got super excited (MH, CN...) I am not pregnant. That I know of. (GG reference. "You're my only daughter. That I know of.)
And really, exciting isn't exactly the word I should use. Terrible, tragic, and awful might be better.
I was exposed to lice at work today. And I might have panicked a little. Not like I ran out screaming or whatever. I was very calm around the children. Just that I went slightly overkill in my zeal to NEVER experience those months (yes, I said months. Back me up on this Momma. It took months to get rid of the lice. Apparently my hair is tailor made for lice.) of 4th grade EVER AGAIN.
I pulled out all the stops. Everything I knew or had heard or thought might work. I stopped on the way home to get cheap aerosol hair spray (the ozone can deal. I am not getting lice.) and a Rit kit. I called my husband on the way home and he met me when I drove up. He was wearing a black shirt with a white piece of paper stuck in the collar and holding the olive oil. He said something to the effect of "I'm here to annoint you, my child." Sometimes, you just gotta laugh. Today was one of those days. Thanks, baby.
And here is where I went a little crazy in my anti-lice zeal. I'm just going to number the things I intentionally did to avoid getting lice in the midst of the narration.
So, I 1) drench my hair with olive oil and leave it in for nearly 2 hours while I had a nice bath. Then, I wash it with regular shampoo and 2) blow dry it.
Next was to do the actual scientific or whatever process. I read the instructions. It says to ask a doctor before you use it if you are allergic to ragweed. Yeah, when they tested me for 68 allergens, the only ones I wasn't allergic to were Mexican Tea and March Elder. So, I ignored that warning. If you call telling your husband to come running if you call and leaving the door open just in case and having your inhaler handy ignoring the warning.
So, I wash it with the 3) Rid shampoo and go through the process of 4) combing it out. I'm not sure if it was the olive oil or the gel stuff they put in the kits these days, but combing it out was not nearly as bad as I remember. I remember great, great pain. The smell, however, was exactly the same. Awful. The last instruction on the kit is that you can shampoo with regular shampoo if you want.
Do I want? No. I'd rather smell like this strong enough for the next county to know there's been a lice outbreak near.
So, I wash it and then I kinda blew it dry a little and 5) braided it as tight as I could and shellacked it with hairspray. The braids and hairspray is what finally got rid of my lice in the 4th grade. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I am wearing braids reminiscent of Anne of Green Gables shellacked with hairspray and let me tell you, if it keeps the lice away I'm totally good with that.
And then, 6) I used the spray to spray most of the contents of my purse, my purse, and my car. I boiled the combs and clips and bobby pins I used. And my inhaler, just for good measure. And because I'm not sure the last time I cleaned it. And I washed everything I wore or possibly could have touched today in the hottest water I could.
Really, ya'll. I am winning this battle. I will not get lice. For the record, there were no nits or anything on the comb. So, I'll continue my braids and shellacking and possibly olive oil, but I'm done with the ragweed stuff!
In a long chain of events, I knew his other e-mail's password and I used that knowledge to change his Windows Live password. I am sneaky. : ) I thought about not telling him so he'd have the same frustrations, but I left him a note. So I'm sneaky and kind. : )
I am here to tell ya'll that I did nothing today. We went to church, we went to eat with Brother Roy, and then we came home. I realized I didn't have to work tonight and then I took a nap. Which really messed with my whole I actually have to get up tomorrow so I actually have to go to bed at a decent time plan. Dishes and laundry were what I intended to accomplish today. I will delegate the dishes, but I will have to work on the laundry tomorrow... The kids I babysit are back from vacation, which is why I actually have to be up tomorrow. And Tuesday. So my packing has been delayed till Wednesday, though, like I said, I'd like to get all my laundry done! I know all 2 of ya'll are sitting on pins and needles, waiting, hoping I will update and tell you what I have done in a day. : )
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I babysat tonight for two of the cutest, sweetest kids ever! I have a couple funny pics to put up (not of the kids, of something at their house) but since my computer is the one with the software to get pics off my phone... You can see that it may be awhile.
I also got to watch New in Town and it was very funny!
The final total on the clothes: a banana box and a smaller Home Depot box of 2s and why do I own these still clothes for garage sale; 3 banana boxes, 1 plastic tub, and a smaller Home Depot box of 6s and clothes for the 3 hours of cold weather we'll have in January for storage; 1 mediumish Home Depot box to wear at mom's; and maybe 25 articles of clothing plus what's in the laundry for until then and to add to the Momma's house box!
All my books are packed up and most of the decorations (I have 4 things left up on the walls). I did not get to the big closet today, but it's gonna happen this next week! I hope to get enough packed that we can take down the shelves (they are moving with us!) and we can put the packed boxes in there. I'd like to be able to walk, not climb, through my living room!
I keep feeling very accomplished and proud of what I've gotten packed and then I start thinking about what I have not packed yet and get discouraged. It has to get done, though. If we move with what's packed now, we won't have anything we actually need! (Except clothes. But only mine.)
So even though I know it does not make for an entertaining read, I'm going to continue to post what I have accomplished so I will know things are getting done!!!
Friday, June 26, 2009
So today I was looking to see how much renting a Uhaul would be. It tells me I can't rent one with my Explorer, so I was going to tell it we'd use one of my parents vehicles. Because that was the actual plan and also because I am all about the loopholes. However, I was doing this on Robert's computer and for some reason, he thought he should actually get to use his own computer. He told me, "You have your own computer! Go use it!"
Since is was something he wondered and I was already halfway done and I'm just a darling, sweet little thang, it made me mad. So I went to my computer and, maybe, slightly, a little forcefully, opened it. It fell between the thing it was sitting on and the wall. There may or may not have been a worty dird uttered. So, I very calmly pick it up and try to turn it on while praying that kind of prayer that the Holy Spirit intercedes for you because there are no words. Just groaning in the spirit. I see the Acer screen that's white when you first turn it on and then nothing. So, being the VERY computer savvy person I am, I turn it off and then back on. Maybe there will be a miracle.
I decide I have to tell my husband. My whole body hurt just thinking about it. (Side note: not because he has ever hit me or ever would, but because I hate disappointing people and I knew it was a stupid thing.) We are so broke right now and are very spoiled and have never had to share a computer with each other. I just knew he was gonna be mad. Especially since his day had not been going well.
I took it to him. Because the office has an overhead light and is tiny with a comparitively large window and the living room, well, doesn't, he could see that there was actually something on the screen. The screen was just not lighting up. Which is why I could see the white Acer screen because it is, well, white. He asks how it happened. I don't want to tell him but say that I dropped it.
Ya'll, he is a better man than I thought he was. He was not mad. He even gave me a hug because I was so distraught. And then, he tried to fix it. Cuz he's much more computery than I am. He clicked on all the right buttons to get it to fix itself and go to the actual desktop, so nothing truly important was broken, and if you had a flashlight or connected it with the svideo to the TV, it worked beautifully. The problem was the screen wasn't lighting up.
So, I found the comptuer warrenty. I told him in November '07 when we bought it that we needed to get what my Momma affectionatly calls the "rage warrenty." He listened. We got a 2 year rage warrenty. It's not up till November 12th of this year. Praise God!!!
We put it in my computer bag, (which, now that I think about it is a little funny because what does it matter now? Except losing information would be bad...so maybe it's not so funny...) and went straight to Best Buy. We waited while the man sold two different, expensive anti-virus to the couple in front of us. One word people: Download.com. Or is that two words? Anyways, then it was our turn.
I told him I had a sad story. I said "I dropped my computer and the light has gone out in it." I resisted the urge to break out with "don't ever looooose that light in your eyes. No, don't ever lose that light in your eyes!" a la LeAnn Rimes. Note the shoulder pads.
Shocker, I know.
He was kind and laughed with me. Which probably wouldn't've happened if I'd broken out in song. So I showed him the rage warrenty and it covered it, because, let's face it, what does it not cover? I'm totally a fan. I did, however, have to send it away for maybe up to a month. I think I may have twitched when he said that.
So, now I don't have my own computer to go use, and let me tell you, I think a one car family would be easier than a one computer family. Especially on my husband because I just wrote this on his computer and, well, it took awhile. Between the moving and the one computer, "intermitent rants and ramblings" might be a better name for awhile.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I also began on my clothes. There are about 12 things still hanging in my closet, 2 boxes of "keep them, but they can go in storage for awhile" clothes, 1 box of "pack them to take to live out of at mom's, but don't have to have right this second," and 1 1/2 boxes of garage sale. These are all banana boxes, just for reference. And I still have my whole chest of drawers to go through. And my coats/jackets, etc. Thankfully my sweaters are all in a box in the top of my closet already. I'm actually quite proud of everything I've gotten rid of so far! We'll see how the progression goes...
And for those keeping up, I fell off the wagon last week and only made it to the gym once. It was really a money saving gesture since now I don't have to go buy clothes. LOL. I'm sad, but really, it may be awhile after we move until I can pay to go to the gym, so it's OK. I've been twice this week already, though!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Melissa, give us time to get settled in and you're on! And we will so be joining your Sunday School class! We had, despite certain extraneous comments, a good experience last time we were there! : ) I was, in a very, very irresponsible tiny part of my brain, hoping you were a seer! But, alas, that is not your spiritual gift. lol So, now that the other 5 people that occasionally read my blog are thoroughly confused, I'll move on.
I really didn't have these thoughts when I graduated, mostly because I was just so dang thankful I was DONE and also because I kinda graduated in the middle of all my friends, here it is. I am so, so, so thankful for the wonderful experience I've had at UMHB. It was just the kind of college experience I needed. I am not a wild, crazy partier and a tiny Baptist school where I have a chance of finding friends who are of a similar breed, was perfect. Although I don't even keep in touch with my roomate from my first semester (but a shout out to her because she waited till the last minute to tell them she wasn't returning and I got a WHOLE DORM ROOM to myself second semester!), rooming with Rachael was wonderful. It took a mediocere friendship to lifelong friend proportions. Though we may be moving to opposite ends of the south, I know we will keep in touch! She now rooms with two other girls who have become good friends. And from my classes, there were many "little while" friends, but I think I may have made at least one lasting relationship!
My time at the job I begain in November of my sophmore year and will have to leave when we move has been nothing less than a blessing. I doubt I ever spent more than 20 hours a week there and know there were many 6 hour weeks, but it helped see us through some tight times. I made a couple lasting friendships there as well. It is the only job in Belton that I truly had peace about and I am very sad to leave.
And can I add as a caveot here, I'm so glad I live in the age of Facebook. Technology has it's issues and I am often frustrated, but I'm so glad I can keep up with wonderful friends this way!
So, as I pack (ugh, better than filling out applications, but not by much!) I am excited about the new things coming, but am sad to be leaving some things behind! I am also glad that we are moving to a familiar place full of familiar people for this time in our lives. We are hoping for a year of comfortableness while we decide on the next step in life.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Anyways, we are very excited about the whole thing! I can start packing in earnest now (which is not so exciting) and hopefully our neighbors will answer soon about whether or not they will have a joint garage sale with us!
Yeah, I just realized I have no open weekends (besides the 4th of July, but that really sounds like a bad idea) to have a garage sale. So I will be moving, yes moving, MOVING ya'll, things I don't actually want to keep. It's not OK with me. But, this way, some friends in CS will hopefully have a garage sale with us and we can make a little money off our junk...
I am so sad about Jon and Kate. I have not had cable for 2 years and have only seen parts of the 3rd and 4th seasons and only 1 full episode from this season plus clips of tonight's episode. But I loved this family and what they stood for. Yes, Kate was controlling, but she is not totally to blame! Jon let her be controlling and openly admitted to not communicating, though she made it difficult for him to do so. What really got me was when said he was excited about this new chapter in his life. With his new earrings. (Really, was anyone else as freaked out by that as I am?!) The clip I saw made it look like Jon was just walking out on the family. I was really hoping they were going announce they were going to cancel the show, and I never thought I'd say that. I'm ashamed at how much money TLC must be making over all of this.
After reading Multiple Blessings and seeing the extras TLC was too afraid to air (my opinion, because it had to do with God and Jesus) but put online, I thought they were very grounded in their faith. I have always felt that when you have producers involved, they can use clips to make the situations look the way they want, but even with the edited version of their lives we have all been watching, it seems God had slipped out of their lives at some point.
I cannot begin to describe how sad I am for the children. And I am upset by the promises they made that have been broken. They have said they would always stay together, if only for their children, they said they'd stop the show when it was no longer best for their family, and they promised that God and family would be first in their lives. I'm so sad they couldn't see those promises through because I feel that might have saved their marriage and family. I am fully aware that Christians sometimes divorce, but I think it just makes it more sad.
A great family and a great show died tonight. And all we can hope and pray for is a reconciliation. I'm not saying I don't believe it's possible; I'm just saying with the show still going on, it makes it that much more difficult. I hope the ratings plummet after tonight. I really do. And, like I said before, I never thought I'd be saying that.
And, if you read all that and are still with me and not seeing red, I'd like to say that we are praying and thinking and talking and have a decision to make about where we're going to be. And we have to decide yes or no to this particular plan by lunch tomorrow (which is actually today...)
Sunday, June 21, 2009
We've decided that we're moving, but don't know where we're moving to. So, I started packing. Really, just decorative stuff. Things we can certainly live without. But my living room is quickly being taken over by boxes and I want to know why I'm packing. I'm really tired of waiting to know where we're supposed to be next...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
and laughed some more. Had a really great supper and kinda feel like a 5 year old for saying that (popcorn chicken, shells and cheese, and squash) and didn't do much of anything at work but, like I said before, read Big Mama's blog.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Well, I have to go get the children I babysit and then think about where to apply... Really, did I mention I hate filling out applications?
Monday, June 15, 2009
This is what my momma and I made this weekend. It used to be white and have ugly 80s drawer pulls. We mixed a pretty red and some brown to make the color because there wasn't enough red and then Momma beaded the drawer pulls. Now the TV my brother gave us, the VCR, the SuperNintendo, and the XBox all fit on the shelves and our DVDs, games, and videos fit in the drawers and the bucket on top of the drawers! It looks very maroon in the pictures. It is maroonish but it's a little redder in real life!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
So Rachael says it so much better than me. If I was that eloquent, we'd have a pretty similar post today. So if you want something shorter and sweeter, head over there. If you want a few more specifics, then stick with me.
My husband is no longer the newest box mover at UPS. Which means he'll have so much more time to get his school work accomplished and graduate this summer. And that is the real goal because then we can move on. And I do think we will be moving. It's just a feeling, but God knows I need time to prepare for change and He usually gives me inklings before it happens. Like knowing another shoe was going to drop. I just didn't expect it to be something to hammer home that whole trust and waiting thing quite so completely. And I do think He's trying to teach us some trust. And some patience. I hope it's okay with Robert that I say that I think God is trying to teach him trust. I think (though I'm not so sure now) that I'm good in that area but God is trying to teach me to wait on His time. I'm not so much a patient person. Really. I can put the same child in timeout for the same offense all day long and be patient that way, but I am not patient when it comes to waiting. I don't want to wait on God's timing in this situation. I want to formulate another plan and execute, execute, execute. (Toy Story, two separate scenes for those who don't know.)
It really boils down to these three parts of my personality. I am a planner. I am a fixer. And I really need to be in action. (I am the person who drove several (and I do mean several) miles going east when I needed to be going southwest, to circle around a traffic jam (otherwise known as the mother of all traffic jams that had traffic stopped before I even reached Austin city limits. When I took a huge overpass farther in the city, you could see them back up for miles and miles and miles.) And while I'm not sure that it really saved me time, it felt like it did because I was actually moving.)
So I see a problem and I want to make a plan to fix it and then do it. I want action. I want to be actually moving. Sitting still just makes it feel like an eternity and I feel like waiting will only make the problem worse. When, in reality, I know that if God does not go before me, well then, action will be what makes it worse.
I have strong feeling that God wants us to move on from this town. We came, we graduated (or one of us did and one of us will shortly), and we served during that time, but now we must move on. It's like our purpose here is done. Several doors have been slamming shut recently (and I do mean slamming not closing. Read the posts below, they give a little explanation) and I just don't think there are a lot of options for us to stay around here anymore. So, unless God drops something in our laps that says "no, stay here," we'll be moving soon. We don't know to where, though if it's to CS, then there is a plan somewhat in place and ya'll now know how much better that makes me feel, but we feel like we can't stay here. We've had our last call lol. (You know, "you don't have to go home but you can't stay here." Which is doubly funny if you know me because you know I have never set foot in a bar in my life, which is really because I think I might die within five minutes from smoke inhalation. And I dont' drink. I really don't care that other people do, but really, what's the point in going if you aren't drunk enough not to notice the smoke?)
So that request for prayers before (and now I have 5 followers and 2 commenters to do this lol) has changed. We just want to know what to do now (in both senses of that word lol). Do we really go? Where do we go? What do we do there? How will we live until then? And there is no who or why because, well, it's us and becuase we know why. God has a plan. It's just a little unclear right now.
And now if you want to read something funny after my post, read this.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
And tomorrow (after I workout! That will be week 3 down!) we are headed to my Momma and Daddy's house and then Saturday going to Yancey for a Nixon/Wilson family reunion! With my very pretty eyebrows. And a ton, and I do mean a ton, of homework for my poor husband who very sweetly is still coming because I'd really like to introduce him to my family. We got married the week before the reunion two years ago, I'm not really sure why we didn't go last year, but we didn't, and I feel he needs to be introduced.
Also, the weather was so cool!!!!!!!!! I was babysitting (this little girl is hilarious. She doesn't crawl. She scoots on her bottom. Using her legs to scoot. I really cannot describe it and if it were my own child it'd be on youtube, but it was funny.) near the Stillhouse Hollow Dam and the storm was just amazing. I made another very responsible, adult decision (really, I'm never ever daring or a risk taker, if I were on a game show, I'd win cheap for fear of losing what I'd already won, but apparently that part of my gene was on hold today. And the memory part. But that's another long story.) to drive over the dam. God can paint beautiful pictures. A lake, a sunset, clouds rolling in, lightening shooting across the sky. I wasn't stupid enough to dwell, these were all quick glances as I drove across, but oh my goodness, I cannot describe the beauty of it!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I do love my job. And I usually love being at the desk because it means you can go hold a screaming baby to help out the baby room but not be in the room. And I truly don't mind making juice or bringing snack. I find pleasure in straightening out the occasional bent-out-of-shape child when the teacher has had too much. Often, if nothing else, there is laundry to do. I did switch some loads and start a load for the daycare but I could find no laundry basket and was not going to stand in that tiny backroom and fold laundry. Because I hate folding laundry and I hate feeling cut off from the action and really that just combines those two fears.
On another note, this has been one of those months where the money just keeps getting tighter and tighter and you go back over all your purchases in your head trying to figure out where you went wrong but it just doesn't seem like you could have done without the majority of the things you bought. And then you are halfway waiting for the other shoe to drop because you know, maybe God is trying to teach you some trust or something and He thinks you just aren't scared enough. (I'm nothing if not a great theologian lol. My husband will probably say it's heretical. Like me saying that Jesus was so clever when a verse rhymed. He said, but it wasn't origionally in English, and being a great theologian, I'd already thought this out. I replied that Jesus, being omnicient (I just had to text multiple people to get the correct spelling of that. Google was even confused) and all, knew it would be translated into English and knew the language English and therefore knew that, one day, that verse would rhyme. He said that was heretical.) So anyways, I'm halfway waiting for the other shoe to drop, like a car accident or major illness or finding out you're unexpectedly pregnant or breaking an arm in a klutzy moment. In my world, all of those are possible and would be highly distressing, mostly because they would be overly expensive, at this point of my life. So here we go, my three followers and one commenter, lol let's pray nothing more expensive happens this month and I have a job in the fall so that things will be slightly less tight then!
UPDATE There are now 4 people that follow my blog. : ) lol
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Can I just say again how stinkin' cute my blog is?! I cannot thank the Shabby Blog and Cutest Blog on the Block people enough!!! And it was fun to be all comuptery and figure out (with the help of the CBotB people) how to change so much stuff! I did another computery thing today without any help, and it took me forever and Io was so proud and my husband said I picked like the hardest way to do it! Well, he wasn't there to help and I got it done, so I say don't criticize!
Also, have I mentioned how much I love the Bring the Rain blog? Angela is just such an amazing writer! She has such an honest, emotional (funny and sad) blog and reminds me, in that way, of Karen Kingsbury. Anyways, I sent her an e-mail after her last blog asking her how she kept the trash men and/or dumpster divers from taking her cooler. I didn't really expect a response because, as the automatic response says, I'm sure she gets LOTS of e-mails and crazy people wanting to ask ridiculous amounts of questions about trash men and coolers, but I GOT AN E-MAIL FROM HER!!! I'm not quite as excited as she would be to get an e-mail from Beth Moore, but it's probably pretty stinkin' close! I'm hoping that means she's on the computer tonight and possibly writing a new post! But maybe it's more like she's answering e-mails because she's not writing a new post...
Queen of segues here. The youngest of the children I nanny is 5. Today I found out she can swim without her life jacket! I let her take if off to show me and told her to swim from the deep end of the pool to the shallow. I didn't bring my suit today, it desperately needed to be washed, so I was standing at the edge of the pool. Her 12 year old sister was in the pool. 5 year old asks, "What if I drown?!" Sister reassures her that she is there and won't let her drown. I tell her if she starts drowning I'll just in fully clothed to save her. She then asks, "If I make it to the little side of the pool, will you jump in with your clothes on then?" I declined. : )
Again with the segues. I am not a worrier. I just have never been. That part of my personality is very much like my Daddy.
My husband is a worrier. He always has been. It's like my Momma used to be before she lived with my Daddy long enough to even her out some. (There is hope for him! : ) )
Today he was doing his quiet time, reading the Bible, writing in a journal. One of the verses was about letting God be God and not worrying about what life is bringing next. (I know my previous post made it sound like I have the same issue. I have an issue. But it's not the same. I know it will all work out, I don't dwell on the fact I haven't found a job yet, I am just frustrated and impatient. Not worried. Thank goodness, because worrying is a sin. And impatience isn't. lol) Anyways, he showed me in his journal where he wrote that I was annoying because I didn't worry! How rude!
Segue #3. : ) My internet has died! Thank goodness, I copied and pasted this from blogspot to save it! I think maybe I stressed out the internet with my amazing segues! Anyways, I can still listen to BooMama and Big Mama's podcasts because I downloaded them all earlier today! While I listened, I mopped the kitchen with my Shark steam mop. It is wonderful. But disgusting. It just picks up so much nasty stuff! I'm glad it's off the floor, but I don't really wanna know what was on my floor!
You know, if the internet wasn't dead, I would never have been patient enough to write all this important information in my word-saved blog. Or had time enough to mop the floors and read my Bible. Maybe God, in His infinite wisdom, killed my internet! And the rambling is over for the day! : )
Saturday, June 6, 2009
And, if you haven't figured this out by now, I got tired of even watching the military channel, so I wrote this out of bordem! So far this blog has lived up to it's name...Don't worry, I'll get too busy to write so often soon! : )
Friday, June 5, 2009
It was beautiful for awhile...then somehow the shabbyblogs.com isn't working or something and it went away... : (
IT'S FIXED!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ) : ) : )
Any Chuck fans out there? Isn't Independence Day-Casey (same actor, one of them Baldwin brothers..., different name in this movie, but to me he will always be Casey) so CASEY when the general guy says "Is that glass bulletproof?" and then Casey-guy says "No, sir."
On a similar note... I really love the part in Independence Day when the aliens have invaded the earth and they are preparing to send up the planes, but the people still look at the drunk crop duster like he's NUTS when he says the aliens kidnapped him 10 years before. I'm just thinking his story might be a little more plausible now... I'd like to turn that into an amazing lesson of some sort. I hope something comes to me later, lol, but I just felt the need to share.
I can, however, make a lesson out of the two statements "We got to work on our communication!" and "Stop side-seat drivin!" but I won't. Wouldn't want to step on my own toes! (Instert my husband lauging here...) And there's the fact that it's just pretty obvious.
Actually, I was thinking in a more vertical than horizontal way, but I missed my joke if I made it about my relationship with Jesus! (I certainly hope my wacky sense of humor translates here or I may have greatly offended the two people who read this blog...)
In all honesty, control is a major issue for me. I don't often get the chance to side-seat drive because I'm always the one driving. I really love driving, unless it's in the big city, which can just be stressful, but there's plenty control-freak mixed into me being the one that always volunteers to drive. My mom and I were diagnosing this in me today. (Not that we just discovered it, but that we decided to analyze it today. We do that alot. Probably has to do with understanding what people's responses to a situation will be so we can better control it...)
Back to the topic at hand. I just have this desperate NEED to be "in the know." To feel like I'm a PART of what's happening and not a spectator. To MAKE the decisions and not just follow. That comes in really handy in some situations. Mostly though, it makes me come off as too pushy, too nosey, too authoritative.
It also makes it very hard for me to allow Jesus to be Lord. I love that He's my Savior. I love Him. And, in theory, I want Him to be Lord, but when push comes to shove, I'd rather make my own decisions than wait on His timing, His leading, His PERFECT plan. Why, oh why can't my brain realize that His plan is perfect and then just wait for it to happen? Why do I feel like I can come up with a better plan? Why do I get so upset over not getting a job I thought I might like when I know He has a plan that's even better?
Well honestly, (stick with me here) because He made me that way. Because He knew I would need those attributes to do what He planned for me to do on this earth. On a side note, I'm kinda hoping that plan involves directing a child care that brings glory to Him and loves on children and being a good wife and momma (one day, don't get excited folks!) and assertive personalities come in handy in those situations. (OK, maybe not the good wife one, but I can dream! : )) But He doesn't want me to respond to Him that way. And I just can't seem to let go enough to stop responding that way. Something gets lost between my head, my heart, and my spirit that all know He's got a perfect Jeremiah 29:11 plan for me, but can't seem to all function on that level at the same time. I hope that sentence makes sense to someone other than me, but that's the only way I can think to describe it right now. It's like my head and my spirit will know He's got a plan, but my heart will be discouraged. And then I'll start feeling good about the fact that He's got a perfect plan, but my head will get ahead of things and decide what that plan must be and start acting before I listen to what THE LORD OF HEAVEN AND EARTH is saying. Like I said, I can't be on the same page even within my own self!
There's really no resolution at the end of this post because I have no resolution in my life for this issue. But at least I got in a better post than yesterday's! : )
I am a Gilmore Girls junkie and quite often listen to that show while doing housework, etc. I am pretty sure I'll use plenty of Gilmore references, so you may need to be a fan to follow me sometimes! I like to think that I'm funny, but I'm usually the only one who thinks I am! And because I am characteristically up far later than I should be considering the time I need to be up tomorrow, I will leave this first post like this. I hope the ones to come are much better!
I would also like to add, I am challenging myself to workout at least twice a week. I am rewarding myself with a new workout outfit at the end of five weeks if I can work out at least twice a week those five weeks! This week was a little hard to do, but I can check off the first two weeks!