Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I know he does, but people like marijana too, and that doesn't mean it's good for them!

No, I will not tell you what that means, but suffice it to say it was a fun quote from a night of fun and laughter and tears that I will miss dearly.

I don't know if you've caught on yet, but we're moving. Soon. Like really soon. This Saturday soon. And while packing wise I'm pretty close to ready, I only realized tonight how much emotionally I'd been kinda ignoring and therefore not ready for moving.

I have friends. Good friends. That live here. And only one of them really has an excuse to come to CS. Beyond that, we're getting to the point of everyone graduating and moving on, so does it really matter that I can come back here and see them? Will they even be here very long?

I'm going to miss them. This was probably my last girl's night like this. I know I have friends in CS and I know I will have girl's nights with them. Most of them are married and will understand this phase in my life a little better than my friends here.

But that doesn't mean I won't miss these girls. So much.

I'm sorry for my melancholy post. I'm sure ya'll didn't wanna hear this (though the beauty of blogging is that I can get it out but if people don't want to hear they don't have to read!) but I needed to vent a little. Tears are good for the soul, but venting is quite necessary also.

Robert and I went to the lake today. We realized we'd only been once and that was before he even lived here. It was sad to know we'd never be able to just decide to go to the lake and do it the next day with no more planning than that. There are things we will miss about living here. Awesome parks where you can just go and hike and then come straight home. And, most of you will think this is silly, but I love the nurses at my allergist's office. I will miss their smiling faces. We are gonna miss this place.

Don't get me wrong, we are excited about this new phase in our lives. Living in CS will open up so many more possibilities for us. It is what we need to do at this point in our lives. But moving sucks. And change sucks. And I'm not good with dealing with either of those.

I am a person who is able to be flexible in one area of my life as long as the other parts are constant. I don't deal well without having some normalcy to fall back on. And the normalcy is being taken away.

As I write that, I feel so insensitive and wrong. I just watched a movie about a girl dying of cancer (My Sister's Keeper the book was better, but made me angrier.) and while I don't know anybody going through that same situation, my Aunt Sandy is doing chemo because she had a brain tumor. My chiropractor, her house was struck by lightening two nights ago and burned to the ground. All the people and animals are OK but all their stuff is gone. And I'm complaining about my stuff being in boxes. Which, beyond that, is just stuff. And I could be living in some third world country where, if I wasn't blessed enough to receive help from someone like Compassion, I wouldn't be able to have the medicine that helps me breathe. And I complain about it costing so much.

I don't know where I'm going with this beyond I'm sad. And I feel disoriented because all my stuff is boxed up and my house feels chaotic. And after putting it down on figurative paper, I feel guilty for feeling that way because it could be so much worse.

I need to be excited that, even though the boat is sinking, at least I get to swim! (Thank you, Rachael for that quote of a quote!) And there is so much to be excited about. And I am excited. I just needed to feel sad for a little while. And that's OK too. (I learned that at the Texas Baptist Church Weekday Education Association's annual statewide training. Well, OK, I knew that before, but I just like to say Texas Baptist Church Weekday Education Association. : ) )

But I think I am done being sad for now. I only have tomorrow and Thursday's morning and afternoon to finish getting ready to move, so don't expect much of a post anytime soon. I even am in a classroom at work Wednesday, so you won't get one of those posts. It could be a while before ya'll get a real post out of me again, which is why I don't want this one to end on a sad note. Because I can be sad for a little while, but joy comes in the morning. : )