Monday, June 29, 2009

Oh the memories...

So apparently, God doesn't want me to share the funny biscuit recipe story. Or maybe just the recipe. Because every time I think it's a good day to do it, something exciting happens that overrides it.

First of all, let me say to those of you that just got super excited (MH, CN...) I am not pregnant. That I know of. (GG reference. "You're my only daughter. That I know of.)

And really, exciting isn't exactly the word I should use. Terrible, tragic, and awful might be better.

I was exposed to lice at work today. And I might have panicked a little. Not like I ran out screaming or whatever. I was very calm around the children. Just that I went slightly overkill in my zeal to NEVER experience those months (yes, I said months. Back me up on this Momma. It took months to get rid of the lice. Apparently my hair is tailor made for lice.) of 4th grade EVER AGAIN.

I pulled out all the stops. Everything I knew or had heard or thought might work. I stopped on the way home to get cheap aerosol hair spray (the ozone can deal. I am not getting lice.) and a Rit kit. I called my husband on the way home and he met me when I drove up. He was wearing a black shirt with a white piece of paper stuck in the collar and holding the olive oil. He said something to the effect of "I'm here to annoint you, my child." Sometimes, you just gotta laugh. Today was one of those days. Thanks, baby.

And here is where I went a little crazy in my anti-lice zeal. I'm just going to number the things I intentionally did to avoid getting lice in the midst of the narration.

So, I 1) drench my hair with olive oil and leave it in for nearly 2 hours while I had a nice bath. Then, I wash it with regular shampoo and 2) blow dry it.

Next was to do the actual scientific or whatever process. I read the instructions. It says to ask a doctor before you use it if you are allergic to ragweed. Yeah, when they tested me for 68 allergens, the only ones I wasn't allergic to were Mexican Tea and March Elder. So, I ignored that warning. If you call telling your husband to come running if you call and leaving the door open just in case and having your inhaler handy ignoring the warning.

So, I wash it with the 3) Rid shampoo and go through the process of 4) combing it out. I'm not sure if it was the olive oil or the gel stuff they put in the kits these days, but combing it out was not nearly as bad as I remember. I remember great, great pain. The smell, however, was exactly the same. Awful. The last instruction on the kit is that you can shampoo with regular shampoo if you want.

Do I want? No. I'd rather smell like this strong enough for the next county to know there's been a lice outbreak near.

So, I wash it and then I kinda blew it dry a little and 5) braided it as tight as I could and shellacked it with hairspray. The braids and hairspray is what finally got rid of my lice in the 4th grade. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I am wearing braids reminiscent of Anne of Green Gables shellacked with hairspray and let me tell you, if it keeps the lice away I'm totally good with that.

And then, 6) I used the spray to spray most of the contents of my purse, my purse, and my car. I boiled the combs and clips and bobby pins I used. And my inhaler, just for good measure. And because I'm not sure the last time I cleaned it. And I washed everything I wore or possibly could have touched today in the hottest water I could.

Really, ya'll. I am winning this battle. I will not get lice. For the record, there were no nits or anything on the comb. So, I'll continue my braids and shellacking and possibly olive oil, but I'm done with the ragweed stuff!